TBWA asked me what the greatest innovation of all time was…
I chose sparkling water
Then I never heard back.
Let me tell you, in 200 words or less, why sparkling water (and not the latest iPhone) is the greatest innovation of all time
“Still or sparkling?” - humanity’s most divisive question. As a measure of class and capital-T-Taste, sparkling water is the ultimate innovation, an indicator of who we truly are. As an avid “tap water please” consumer, I gladly judge anyone who freely chooses the cursed beverage.
In 2021, Martin Freeman outed himself as a sparkling fanatic on the Off Menu podcast, reasoning that sparkling water is healthier because it “contains more oxygen”. Even as I pinched the bridge of my nose and shook my head, I realised what Bilbo had gifted us.
“Just tap water, please” - a statement which results in a nod to a waiter, a wink between tap water compatriots. A true moment of unspoken friendship shared by two strangers passing in the night. Amongst those with a preference for unadulterated H2O, you may find a go with the flow kind of person, my kind of person.
Sparkling water proves the tight grip capitalism has on us. It’s a blessing Marx never lived to see such a corrupted world. Really, what sparkling water shows is the power of advertising. Good branding can sell our human rights back to us, with added interest.
And don’t even get me started on Voss.
Or, should I have submitted this piece arguing that the humble haircut is the greatest innovation on this Earth?
A good haircut can make you, a bad haircut can break you. Your hair is a metaphor for your sense of self - are you alternative, model-material, adventurous, or queer? For so many, a haircut is not just a haircut. Not to copy directly from Fleabag’s “hair is everything” monologue, but hair really can be everything.
I bring you a case study: Matilda Djerf. Djerf gained notoriety across social media for her 70s blonde blow wave and curtain bangs. Arguably, hairdressers worldwide owe her millions in commission from the number of girls demanding balayage. From her popularity she was able to build a brand, Djerf Avenue, specialising in scandi-girl fashion. If you don’t know what that is, I can’t help you. What this shows us is that, with a good haircut, you can build an empire worth $35 million in revenue. You can do anything with the right haircut.
As a woman, as a person even, I can weaponise my hair to tell people who I am. Short bangs? Alternative. Dyed blonde? Wannabe Barbie. Bright pink? She probably has some sort of childhood trauma. Hair, and moreover haircuts, certainly are everything.
I may have not gotten into the Fresh Fries program, but I will never budge in what innovations I find important.